Privately published weeks ago:
This post is in lieu of a diary entry. So for now I write filter-free, listening to sweet sweet grooves sitting in a wooden chair in front of a wooden desk at a tea shop near my interim-turned-longterm housing.
I remember being so stressed and whiny about trying to find the best housing situation for me back home while I was abroad, and talking about it endlessly, whether circularly in my mind or aloud to neighbours and friends. I finally made a choice on the spur of the moment based off of a photo set, good vibes, desperation, and the fact that I like and respect the 3 other women I would be living with.
The first few days back in Portland my head was spinning, I had some diluted form of altitude sickness, my period was threatening to break the floodgates, I had gotten sick (incessant sneezing, wet cough, nausea) in Nagasaki and was still sick when I got off the plane, and so when I was in Portland moving into some dark space I was peeved. I fixed up the space tho and figured out how to light it up.
Its so weird that my rituals and habits have reset- now, between my arrival and work, is the perfect time to set new habits and cement old habits: brushing my teeth twice a day, smoking rarely, reading, dating, waking up ridiculously early, etcetera.
I have all these anxieties, most of which I manage to quell (and thankfully they don’t bug me too often since I’m in a super chill state relative to my mental and emotional state during my time at Reed) and sometimes (quite often) I manage to forget how lucky I am to be working with a team full of smart people, Reedies and otherwise, at a huge established brand with lots of professional mobility.