on emotional exhaustion and the conservation of energy in a foreign country

the writer rambles as she moves: a very nonsensical blog entry


 

 

The Japanese have a completely different grasp of privacy. Both in Saitama and on Chichijima, everyone knows everyone else’s business and sometimes people greet you by name as if you’ve actually been introduced, only because word has gotten around and you’ve been thoroughly integrated into the societal eye.

Being a foreigner can exclude you from the nuances of social politics but it is easy to quickly become worn out and need moments of rest nonetheless. Even when you are nestled within your room, taking a quick catnap before coffee with friends, sound reverberates from upstairs, next door, the terrace nearby, so that while you might be blessed for a moment with spatial privacy, aural peace is nonexistent.

What does it mean to try to be a constant variable in changing environs? In my case, little bits of self shift and rearrange in order to adapt but the psyche still grapples with these evolutions of self- making sacrifices, forgetting habits, and taking on new rituals.

Lack of privacy comes hand in hand with an odd sense of instant intimacy- it is hard to explain. Energy is a resource, and I have discovered new ways to conserve, renew and expend mine.

I’m not sure what I mean to say… perhaps this little letter to the internet is only an attempt to control how my energy is being converted right now.

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